The Discovery Guest Blog

What is the most important decision that I have ever had to make?

This is somewhat of a tricky question because it could be applied in many ways at different levels: relational, spiritual, familial, educational, occupational, etc.  After some reflection, I am going to say that the most important decision that I have made to date in my life has been the decision to be married.  Once that decision has been made, it impacts every other decision you make (including the decision to have kids, which is probably the runner-up to this question for me). 

You may think that it’s a fairly straightforward process – you meet someone, fall in love, get married, and off you go into the sunset.  Life, however, is rarely as straightforward as we would like for it to be. 

Prior to marriage, I think that there are two broad sets of circumstances which impact this decision to “take the plunge” – perspective and circumstance.

First, there is one’s perspective on marriage.  Am I interested in marriage, have a need or desire to be with someone, have a fear of loneliness?  Or am I not interested in the idea, unwilling to give up my needs, space, ambitions, career path, friends, etc.?  For me, I was not too particularly interested in it.  Marriage would be quite the complication.  It would probably cause me to have to do things that I wouldn’t naturally want to do on my own, things that would interfere with my comings & goings, job choices, living arrangements, etc.  I’ve been getting along just fine, thanks, so why screw it up?  I guess for me, the seriousness of marriage was too daunting for me to be very eager about the idea.

Second, there is circumstance.  Circumstances have a funny way of changing at the most uncomfortable times.  A person whom you have known so well through high school, have spent a few years together with, the one that everyone just knows you’ll get married to, turns out, for whatever reason, to not be the one.  Over time, other potentials come and go, with varying degrees of enthusiasm on your part, but since you’re not really interested in getting married, you don’t really worry about it and life moves along just fine.  Then the next thing you know, somehow you find yourself walking down the aisle, all the while thinking “…Wait a minute, is this right?  Of course it is… I think… don’t I…?”  And BAM, it’s a done deal.  Great party.  It’s all good.  Now what.

After marriage begins, and the reason that I’ve chosen this as my most important decision, is when it really hits you as to just what a significant decision you’ve made.  You hope like heck you made a good one, and now you make a determination on just what you’re willing to do to make it a good one. 

Of course there have been ups downs, but having been married for 20 years, it has absolutely impacted my life more than any decision I’ve made.  The impact has been overwhelmingly positive, although not without its painful moments.  I am a better person for having served someone else, for putting someone else ahead of myself at least some of the time, for making “sacrifices.”  I am a better person because of the support and commitment that I have received from my spouse.  I am a better person because I have decided that nothing will deter me from having a great marriage – not the fear of embarrassment, the fear of rejection, the fear of failure, pride or selfishness.  Has all of that been easy?  Nope.  Has it enriched my life and increased my capacity as a person?  Yep. 

Marriage is work, but it is the most rewarding work I have ever undertaken.  It has impacted every aspect of my life, from work and career moves, to raising a family, etc.  At the end of the day, sharing your life with someone could actually make everything go better, or it could double life’s troubles and make it worse.  For me, it all comes down to a determination of what is valuable.  What do I place a high value upon, and what am I going to do to honor that which is valuable?  I consider my marriage valuable.

That’s why I said at the beginning of this that the most important decision that I have made to date in my life has been the decision to be married.  Not the decision to get married, but the decision to be married.  It’s a decision that impacts my life in every other decision that I make, whether it’s how I approach my job, where we decide to live, how I take care of myself, how I contribute to my family’s well-being, how I act when I’m on the road for business, etc.  It’s a decision that I continue to make every single day when I get up in the morning, whether it’s consciously or subconsciously.  Some days I’m better at it than others.  Some days I don’t do as well.  And while that may vary from day to day, that’s all simply in the execution.  The real key is that I have made a determined decision, every day for 20 years now, to be married.  It’s been a good decision.