The Discovery Guest Blog

Thanks for giving it another try. Hope you get some good responses.

“How much should parents “protect” their children?”

You’re right. That question can be taken in many different ways, and it’s hard to even decide how to go about answering it. Protecting can take many forms and shapes.

The words “how much” beg for a quantified response—10%, 5 times out of 10, all the time, but none of these are appropriate. I personally feel that it is my job to protect my children until they leave my house and in many different capacities throughout their lives. One example would be when they are going to cause physical harm to themselves. Of course, the voluntary pain that children (especially boys) choose to inflict upon themselves in the name of “sports” is a whole different discussion. But when they’re much younger, what parent wouldn’t protect his or her child when they reach for that outlet with their outstretched finger? When kids are younger, there are so many opportunities for them to be physically hurt, from playgrounds to trees to stairs, and a parent does a lot of guarding or protecting during those early years.

As they grow, the protecting changes form. Parents tend to allow their child a certain amount of independence (and it’s very interesting to see the HUGE range of leeway that parents deem appropriate.) That’s where logical consequences come in. I let them learn the natural consequences of their behavior and choices as much as I can while the stakes (risks) are still low. As they get into the middle and upper elementary years, emotional pain is another element that you have to guard against. Also, when kids are 10-11 and older a parent has to really be diligent about protecting them against other adults in the world who are sick and could be out to seriously harm them. I’ve repeately spoken to my children about “strangers,” who they really are, and what they may look like, but I can’t be with them 24/7 and overprotect them either because I believe that can turn them into fearful, paranoid, stressed out members of society. And if they’re that way as kids, what will they be like as adults?

So, as with most things in life, parenting and protecting requires balance. I think the best answer is not too much and not too little. Even older kids need boundaries, to know what is acceptable or not, and to know that parents will be there for them to fall back on. But what that “amounts” to I can’t exactly say. When stakes are higher, parents need to trust their kids enough to choose true friends, and in general give them room to make their own decisions but hope that the teaching and training that they’ve done all those years will pay off because as in the case with drugs, drinking, etc., the stakes could possibly be their life.

I certainly believe in protecting my children from physical danger as best I can. I also feel strongly about protecting them from bad influences from the world—violent and graphic movies, TV, video games, sexually inappropriate content. Nowadays, our society values external appearances, material wealth, and financial success. They also look up to athletes who make millions of dollars and celebrities who aren’t good role models for our kids. So I see my job as protecting them by counterbalancing those negative influences with good, decent, positive examples from me and other productive adults as well as limiting exposure to these negative influences. Hopefully, by instilling in my children strong morals and beliefs I am in many ways “protecting” them from potentially dangerous situations and relationships.

I would venture to say that every parent would agree that it’s one of their natural roles to protect their children; it’s just a matter of deciding when to get involved and when not to. There needs to be a balance between trusting in the child and the foundation that’s been laid and being a helicopter and rescuing them from harm.